Shinigami Letters
by Weeping Blood
Summary: Find out what happens when Shinigami, and former Shinigami send ridiculous and raging letters to each other. Rated T for swearing and inappropriate talk.
1. Chapter 1

**Here's something I came up with to distract me from doing homework. Review and stuff if you like it.**

Dear Kensei the Dummy,

I found a bra, and a condom while I was purposely looking through your room to see if I can find anything embarassing to tease you about.

Also, it's not because I kind of like you and wanted to steal a momento to have a keepsake in my room for later or anything.

Y-You stupid idiot.

But who's this mysterious girl?

Did you get her pregnant?

Shame on you Kensei.

I didn't know you were such a perverted man, now I really need to tell Hiyori this. (She gasps)

UNLESS IT WAS YOU AND HIYORI!

I should tell Shinji asap! (Giggles)

Sincerly,

The super awesome, and amazing, totally better than Kensei,

Mashiro.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear, no wait

nOT so dearly Mashiro,

FIRST OFF, STAY THE HELL OUT OF MY DAMN ROOM, you piss me off beyond the limit of pissing a person off.

I have 99 problems and you're pretty much 98 of them.

Next time you want to snoop through my privacy, your nosey ass will regret it.

Sincerly,

Kensei.


	3. Chapter 3

Dear dummy Kensei,

So rude! I just asked you a simple question that you completely ignored.

Ooooooooooooooooo' does that mean... you have a new wife?

That's so adorable, awwwwwwwwwww someone meant just for you.

KenKen has become a big boy right before my eyes, I'm so proud.

She must be a dummy like you if she picked you.

Either way, I wannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnna be the flowergirl!

Sincerly,

Future flowergirl Mashiro.

P.S. It's bad for guys to hurt a girl, I heard in the human world they arrest guys for doing that.

P.P.S I think it's something called domestic violence?


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Shinji,

Have you seen my bra? It sudden disappeared and you know... you're into that kind of stuff.

Did you take it?

If you did, give it back. I am not in the mood for one of your dumbass jokes.

I don't give a damn if you're a captain, it pisses me off when people take my personol stuff.

Sincerly,

Lisa.

P.S I will kick your ass if I find out you're hiding it somewhere.


	5. Chapter 5

Dear Hiyori,

I don't know what stupid prank you pulled to get back at me for what ever stupid reason,

but cut it out.

Lisa keeps glaring at me everytime I bump into her, she won't even talk to me.

I used to be a ladies' man until this happened.

Sincerly,

A very concerned about his love life, Shinji.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: A little note from me: forever122 and Hylla thank you so much for reviewing every single letter. I kinda cried for a moment there. ;-;**

* * *

><p>Dear Shinji,<p>

I don't know WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED, except the fact that Lisa found something in my room and then suddenly completely trashed everything.

She came in mumbling something about you being a jackass, and after that... it was a horror beyond anything I've ever seen before.

I'm blaming you for this, so I demand you get your ass down here and fix everything, and pay for every single thing that was destroyed.

I've been dealing with everyone's crap for far too damn long.

Sincerly,

Kensei who's ready kick the next person who touches my shit's ass

P.S I found out Mashiro and Hiyori were planning some dumbass prank on both of us.


	7. Chapter 7

Dear Kensei,

Really starting to considering Yamamoto's offer to go back to the soul society.

All of you are a pain in the ass.

Sincerly,

Shinji.

P.S. I'm not your slave, so get off your ass and clean it up yourself.


	8. Chapter 8

Dear Captain Aizen,

I hope everything's going well for you. It's kind of sad that you never came back, I really miss you!

Although, I heard I might be getting a new captain.

His name is Shinji... Hirako I think, do you know him?

Anyway, I hope we can talk again one day.

Sincerly,

Momo.


	9. Chapter 9

Dear Captain Aizen,

I was wondering why you didn't answer to my last letter. Maybe you didn't get it?

That's weird. But anyway, it might just be a little late. I just wanted you to know that I missed having you as my captain. I miss your warm touches, and your sweet scent.

Maybe I can come over and visit you sometime?

Hopefully that'll be soon!

Sincerly,

Your former lieutenant Momo.


	10. Chapter 10

A loud knock was on Momo's door, she quickly rushed to open it to be faced with a very displeased arrancar with a stuffed bag at his side.

''Lord Aizen is getting very tired of the constant fanmail you keep sending him.'' He dumped tons of letters on the floor, and annoyingly threw the entire bag at her, causing her eye's widen in surprised.

''NO MORE LETTERS!'' He yelled, ''It's very tiredsome to travel all the way here from Hueco Mundo, and then nearly being killed by all you damn Shinigami.''

Momo dropped to her knees and stared at the piles of letters, noticing none of them were even opened.

''He didn't even bother reading them.'' She frowned and crossed her arms childishly.


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: **Sorry for the late updates!~ I'll update more this weekend.

* * *

><p>Dear Hinamori,<p>

I forgot to tell you that you can get in trouble if you keep sending letters to that bastard Aizen.

Forgive me for coming out so rudely, I just can't seem to understand why you like him so much.

What's so good about him anyway? Is it the cologne he uses? What is it?! I smell way better than he does.

I even made a ice sculpture for you that...

Yachiru is currently...

tearing...

down...

I guess that's off the list of things I could give to you as an apology.

Hopefully you feel better soon.

Sincerly,

Captain Hitsugaya.

P.S. CAPTAIN Hitsugaya. Just wanted to remind you to address me only as that.

P.P.S. Make sure not to call me 'Toshiro'

P.P.P.S. Remember to always call me CAPTAIN.

P.P.P.P.S. Okay, I'm running out of room on this paper.


	12. Chapter 12

Dear Shiro-chan,

I hate you.

Sincerly, Momo.

P.S. I don't care if you're a captain.


	13. Chapter 13

Dear Momo,

I think maybe you should try talking to my Captain, he's in his office right now sobbing all over his desk.

He keeps mumbling something about Aizen and how he's going to slice his head off.

I'm a little worried, and thought maybe you'd be able to hel-

he just finished throwing his desk out the window.

Sincerly,

Rangiku.


	14. Chapter 14

Dear Momo,

If you ever want to see your beloved Squad 10 captain again, come to Hueco mundo.

Lord Aizen has a variety of things he wants to talk to you about.

Including the fact that you've came over here last night and cut off large snips of his hair.

Sincerly,

a mysterious man.


	15. Chapter 15

Dear Captain Ichimaru,

It's okay, you can keep him.

Also, if you want to remain suspicious then don't leave a big smiley face on the envelope that says ''gIN is tOtAlLyz mOrE aWsomEz than AiZen'' under it.

Sincerly, Momo who is currently wrestling an angry Rangiku away.


	16. Chapter 16

Dear Rangiku,

Uh why the hell did you send me a letter?

It's not like we ever really tal-

WHY THE HELL IS THERE FREAKIN' NUDE PICTURES IN HERE!?

I DON'T EVEN LIKE YOU THAT WAY

WHAT THE ACTUAL, OH DEAR GOD I THINK I JUST LOST MY EYE VIRGINITY.

Sincerly,

a very scarred for life Ichigo.

P.S I just now realized this wasn't for me.

P.P.S I feel bad for that Ichimaru bastard.


	17. Chapter 17

Dear Ichigo Kurosaki,

Unless you want your sisters to mysteriously go missing,

I suggest you send me those pictures of my beloved Ran-chan.

Love,

Gin. **:)**


	18. Chapter 18

Dear Ichimaru,

Sorry, you're a little late since I already burned them.

Sincerly,

Ichigo who is currently hiding his sisters.

P.S. You and Rangiku need to keep your 'personal' lives to yourselves.


	19. Chapter 19

Dear Ichigo,

Whatever you do, don't open the letter that I sent you earlier.

DO

NOT

OPEN

IT.

Sincerly,

a very concerned Yoruichi.

P.S. send it to Kisuke when you get a chance.


	20. Chapter 20

Dear Yoruichi,

Huh? Why?

I mean it can't be that ba-

OH MY GOD, WHY THE HELL IS THERE MORE NUDE PICTURES...

It must be ''Send Nude Pictures To Ichigo Day''

For some reason, Mr Urahara was inside my mailbox and snatched the envelope away and then dissapeared back inside.

Okay then.

Miss Yoruichi, you are... INSANE.

Sincerly,

a ONCE AGAIN scarred for life Ichigo.


	21. Chapter 21

Dear Momo,

Due to his constant sobbing and death threats from Rangiku,

I'm sending your boyfriend back in a package.

But, if you don't mind please follow these rules if you wish to stay alive.

1. Do not come to Las Noches.

2. Do not breath near Las Noches.

3. Do not come within 7000 feet of Captain Aizen.

4. Do not think of Captain Aizen.

5. Do not look at Captain Aizen.

6. And, do not send anymore irritating letters to Captain Aizen because he will not answer you back.

I'm tired of Captain Aizen dumping all of his fangirl problems on me, and I'm not in the mood to be on night guard to make sure you don't come and sneak inside the palace again.

Sincerly,

you're very lovely Gin.

P.S. Tell Rangiku that there's no need for her to rip my head off and feed it to Captain Komamura as a doggy treat


	22. Chapter 22

A/N: Oh, I guess I was _hinting _the people I ship in this. To forever122: I ship GinRan(obviously), HitsuHina, KisukexUrahara, and a whole bunch more that'll take too long to list. ;_;

* * *

><p>Dear Momo,<p>

Sending me a bomb in the mail was not a very nice thing to do.

Okay, I take the 'boyfriend' remark back.

I'll even pack Aizen in the mail as an apolog-

* * *

><p>Gin, if you would like to live another day, then I suggest you refrain from touching me and sending me back to those lowly Shinigami.<p>

-Signed,

your transcending God.

* * *

><p>As much as I would like to ask, why he was able to write on the letter without as much as being in the same room as me,<p>

I think maybe some secrets are better left unsaid.

Sincerly,

Gin who wants to live to see another day.

P.S. If the midget captain hadn't arrived to you by now, then I'm afraid he's lost forever in the local Hueco Mundo Postal Service


	23. Chapter 23

Dear Hinamori,

I very much appreciated you going out of your way to help me get back to the soul society.

Although, it seems the soul society has gotten rather... chaotic while I was gone.

And no, I was not crying over you claiming that you ''hate'' me.

Hopefully we can talk over this little argument and become friends again?

Please? _Not that I'm worried about our future together or anything._

But I'm way more sensitive towards your feelings than that bastard Aizen.

Sincerly,

Captain Hitsugaya

P.S. The little captain is lying, all he did was sob in his office, becoming all depressed thinking you hated him.  
><strong>-Secretly signed,<strong>  
><strong>Rangiku<strong>


	24. Chapter 24

Dear Gin,

Due to the fact that you've allowed that lowly white haired shinigami Captain into our palace, several of my posessions have been soaked with his tears.

You shall suffer the punishment for your actions.

For exactly 5 months, I'm throwing you out and sending you back to the Soul Society to suffer.

And no, I will not change my mind even if you kick, scream, cry, sob, beg, kneel before me, or give me Ichigo Kurosaki's head.

Now, step into the large box I sent to your room and you shall be mailed there.

Sincerly,

Your very handsome, and transcending god Aizen.


	25. Chapter 25

**_Knock, Knock_**

''Cooooooooooming~'' Rangiku sang on her way to the door, when she opened it a big box stood in the doorway.

''Umm... Captain, come here for a minute.'' She said with a twitching eye.

''What is it Matsumo- NO!'' He slammed the door the instant he saw the familiar crate then ran behind his desk, ''NO, DON'T OPEN IT! THEY'VE COME BACK TO KIDNAP ME!'' Toshiro huddled in a tiny ball under his desk in fear, there was no way in hell he was going back to Hueco Mundo to be torchered by Gin's mindgames.

Rangiku snorted in uncontrollable fits, never seeing her Captain act like such a little boy, even if he was one. ''I'm sure they wouldn't want you back after what happened before, maybe it's not even from Aizen this time.'' She opened the door and went to check the package again.

Checking the reiatsu from inside, Toshiro's eyes widened at the familiar presence ''MATSUMOTO, DON'T OPEN IT!'' He warned.

Ignorantly, she ignored his warning and opened the large box. A gasp escaped her lips when she saw another white haired man huddled in a ball inside.

''Looks like I'm going to have to babysit two little boys today.'' Rangiku sighed, ''What happened Gin?''

''AIZEN IS A BIG, FAT, TRANSCENDING MEANIEPANTS!'' Gin whined childishly.


	26. Chapter 26

Dear all Shinigami,

I have started a protest to kick Gin Ichimaru back out of the soul society.

All in favor,

say ''I''

Or slap Gin Ichimaru in the face. Either one will work.

Sincerly.

Rukia who is not in the mood for being trolled by the silver haired prick.


	27. Chapter 27

Dear Rukia the shedevil,

LAY ONE HAND ON GIN, AND YOU'LL BE LOSING AN ARM.

Sleep with one eye open, because I'll be watching you. And no, I don't care if half of the Gotei 13 voted to have him kicked out.

Which is very cruel because I was the only one who voted to keep him here.

When I actually want to be happy, you guys ruin everything.

Now, if you excuse me I'm going to go piss my captain off to calm my nerves. Not that it'll be much help.

Maybe I should put some makeup on him while he's asleep. Hmmm...

Love,

Rangiku

P.S. Gin says hi.


	28. Chapter 28

Dear Rukia-chan,

Aw, you're so kind. I heard you were nice enough to start a petition for me.

I never knew you liked me that much.

Unfortunately, I'm not interested in you.

You're too short.

Sincerely,

You're very lovely, and uninterested Gin. **:)**


	29. Chapter 29

Dear Rukia-chan,

Okay, sending your big brother to kill me was not a very nice thing to do!

Do you know how long it took me to convince him to let me live?

Come on, my lovely little Rukia-chan. We're buddies, are we not?~

I hope we can overcome these issues, and become better friends.

Sincerely,

Your very lovely Gin. **:)**


	30. Chapter 30

Dear Ichimaru,

I DO NOT WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH YOU!

STOP SENDING LETTERS TO NII-SAMA'S HOUSE!

From,

a very angry Rukia.


	31. Chapter 31

Dear Rukia-chan,

Don't be such a grouch, I'm very compassionate with my friends.

I'm sure we can talk about our feelings, emotions, and how you were obsessed with Kaien Shiba.

No need to be in denial, I know you're hiding a ball of sunshine under that tough guy exterior.

Sincerely,

Gin.

P.S. I won't give up on our friendship.


	32. Chapter 32

Dear Gin Ichimaru,

I would like to give you a brief warning if you're going to be temporarily living in the Soul Society, which I do not approve of but apparently there's no other choice.

Do not, other than on necessary circumstances will you ever come in contact with Rukia. If you do, then I can't promise you won't suffer a cruel, painful, torching, and unpleasant death.

Your mocking does not amuse me even in the slightest, nor do I appreciate you constantly filling the Kuchiki mailbox with pictures of Kaien Shiba just to bribe Rukia. Also, I've heard you've been stalking Rukia during her training, which is why I went through the trouble of strengthening security. DO NOT get anywhere near my house, or blood will be spilled. And that blood WILL be your own.

From,

Byakuya Kuchiki.

P.S. I greatly appreciated that Seaweed Ambassador cupcake you gave me. But your dishonest generosity does not fool me.


	33. Chapter 33

Dear Squad 6 Captain,

My greatest apologies, I fell asleep while reading your letter.

Luckily, it put Rangiku to sleep aswell, since she began ranting to me while she was drunk, about all the times I've 'mysteriously' left her.

Peace and quiet. I think I'm starting to like being here more than Las Noches.

Sincerely,

Your very lovely Gin. **:)**

P.S. I slipped poison into that cupcake.


	34. Chapter 34

Dear Gin,

Due to your mishaps, and wrecking havoc in the Soul Society, I have been recieving several complaints from all of those lowly Shinigami.

I want you back in Las Noches at once, and I do not care if you like being there more than Las Noches. You WILL return or I will be forced to take drastic measures.

Regardless if you kick, scream, cry, throw a sissy fit, play dead, or even run away to Neverland, I will drag you back by force if need be.

Sincerely

your transcending god, Sosuke Aizen.

P.S. Tell my former Lieutenant that I am not ready for a relationship right now, she kept sending me something those humans call ''Valentine's day Cards.''


	35. Chapter 35

Dear stupid captain meaniepants,

No.

Sincerely,

Gin who is never returning to Las Noches.


	36. Chapter 36

Dear Captain Aizen,

I know we've haven't had the best relationship, since you kind of ripped the Hogyoku out of me and nearly got me executed.

But there's always a time for temporarily alliance.

PLEASE TAKE GIN ICHIMARU BACK!

I'll literally go on my knees, and even keep Lieutenant Hinamori away from you for as long as you desire.

TAKE

HIM

BACK,

PLEASE.

His very existence disturbs me, that way he always smirks at me just sends unpleasant shivers down my spine.

He even nearly poisoned my nii-sama, but I luckily slapped that accursed cupcake out of his hand. And... he kind of went on a murderous hunt for him and hasn't came back since.

Sincerely,

Rukia


	37. Chapter 37

Dear Rukia Kuchiki,

You imply that I'd even care about your issues. If that is the case, then I'll allow him to stay there longer.

It's quite amusing to know how much he's making you lowly Shinigami suffer.

If possible, send me postcards of all of Gin's current activity. It shall be amusing to show my Espada.

Sincerely,

your transcending god Sosuke Aizen.

P.S. I hope he makes you all suffer even more.


	38. Chapter 38

Dear Matsumoto,

Due to the fact that Ichimaru only listens to you, I demand you put him in check.

Also, where the hell is my hair gel? Until I find it, my hair isn't going to be... appropriate enough for me to go out into the public.

I bet this is all Gin's doing, ONCE I GET MY HANDS ON HIM, HE WILL NOT SEE THE LIGHT OF ANOTHER DAY!

Sincerely,

Captain Hitsugaya

P.S. I don't care how much you beg me, I will not approve of this traitor's behavior.


	39. Chapter 39

Dear Squad 10 Captain,

Oh, did I forget to mention that I sent all the hair gel supply to Captain Aizen?

He may not seem like it, but he needs a large supply to keep his hair in check.

You would not want to see how he looks in the morning, I happen to have some pictures of him to use to blackmail him in the future.

And just so you know, I have one of you too that I thought Momo might like to see.

Sincerely,

your very lovely, and diabolical Gin **:)**

P.S. Hopefully she doesn't attack me this time.


	40. Chapter 40

Dear Hinamori,

I know you're probably still mad at me, but just know I'm so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, very sorry.

Also, if you happen to see Ichimaru then I suggest you get as far away from him as possible.

I mean, it's not like he's going to reveal something to you that might destroy my pride for all eternity.

Of course not, I'm just very concerned for your well being.

Sincerely,

Captain Hitsugaya

P.S. Remember, I'm very, very sorry.


	41. Chapter 41

Dear Hiyori Sarugaki,

Calling me a midget fuzzball is not amusing, also pointing and following me everywhere while laughing is very irritating.

GO AWAY.

HOW DID YOU EVEN GET IN THE SOUL SOCIETY?

Sincerely,

a very embarassed, Captain Hitsugaya

P.S. Kicking me in the shin will result in your death if you dare do it again.


	42. Chapter 42

Dear dumbass,

BALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIEBALDIE

Sincerely,

Hiyori

P.S. You're a dumb baldie.

P.P.S. You look even more like a dumbass with your new hairstyle, no wonder that Momo chick doesn't like you.

P.P.P.S. And I thought Ichigo was an dumbass, but you're probably the supreme overlord of all dumbasses.

P.P.P.S. Crying won't make me feel sorry for you.


	43. Chapter 43

In Karakura Town, a hard knock was placed on the Kurosakis' door. With a yawn, and irritated groan, Ichigo went to answer it. When he opened the door, he was faced with the Squad 10 Captain.

''Toshiro?'' He blinked in confusion, ''Why the hell are you here?''

''That's CAPTAIN Hitsugaya to you, Kurosaki.'' Toshiro angrily growled, Ichigo merely rolled his eyes and noticed the large, white puff of hair he had.

Covering his mouth, Ichigo attempted to hold back a laugh but failed and held his stomach as he laughed uncontrollably. ''That...'' he chuckled, ''is the most ridiculous hairstyle I've ever seen.'' his shoulders shook from his laughing fit.

Toshiro attempted to hold back his anger and balled his hands into fists, along with clenching his jaw. ''Don't even start, Kurosaki. I'm not in the mood!'' he snapped, his face turned red from anger.

Ichigo wiped a tear from his eye from laughing so hard, ''I don't even want to ask...'' he surpressed a smirk from forming to prevent the captain from getting any madder.

''Anyway, I'm moving in with you and your family for a few days.'' He pushed Ichigo to the side, and allowed himself in the house.

''Wait, what?'' Ichigo blinked, ''NO!'' going after the small captain

When Toshiro walked into the living room, he froze when he spotted Ichigo father, along with Yuzu and Karin. ''Y-YOU!'' Toshiro pointed to Isshin.

''Huh?'' Isshin looked up at Toshiro, and he froze. ''Oh...'' Isshin looked at his imaginary watch, ''Well, will you look at the time... I better get going.'' He quickly dashed out, away from his former subordinate.

''WAIT, KUROSAKI!'' Toshiro yelled out before chasing him.


	44. Chapter 44

Dear Matsumoto,

I am done with all the idiots in the soul society, so I've decided to move in with Kurosaki and his family.

Hopefully, you'll actually listen to me and do your paperwork but I know you'll just drink several bottles of sake, get drunk, fall asleep and forget all about it.

Even if you beg me, I will not return to the soul society until that bastard Gin Ichimaru leaves.

All he does is cause trouble wherever he goes, and I assume he has brainwashed you into letting him stay.

Also,

HE

STOLE

MY

HAIR

GEL.

Sincerely,

Your stressed Captain Hitsugaya (Who has horrible hair)

P.S. I found where our former Captain has been hiding out.


	45. Chapter 45

Dear whitey-chan,

It's a shame you left so soon, I was about to make you some of my special _poison _cookies.

Don't let the name fool you, they're not filled with raspberries.

Sincerely,

your very lovely Gin. **:)**


	46. Chapter 46

Dear Captain Ichimaru,

I ate one of your cookies, and my hands and face are suddenly turning purple.

And I was wondering if you could tell me what kind of things you put in those cookies?

Sincerely,

Momo.

P.S. Now my eyes suddenly turned pink, and I'm really scared right now!


	47. Chapter 47

Dear Momo,

Oh, well that's perfectly normal. Here's a list of the ingredients.

1. Poison

2. Rat Poison

3. Soul Reaper Poison

4. and Cookie Dough

No need to worry, you'll die within 2 days.

Sincerely,

Your very lovely Gin. **:)**


	48. Chapter 48

Dear Gin,

I'm going to pick up my Captain in the world of the living, apparently he heard about something that happened to Momo and went on a rampage that completely destroyed Ichigo's house.

Please, try not to kill anyone while I'm gone.

Also, I got those delicious looking cookies everyone's been talking about.

I decided to save some to eat on the trip!

Sincerely,

Rangiku.


	49. Chapter 49

Excitedly clutching the box and humming to herself, Rangiku wore an eager grin on her face. Opening the box, she reached for the purple filled cookie and opened her mouth to take a bite.

Her snack was interrupted when she noticed a figure running towards her from a distance, squinting to see who it was, she saw the figure had silver hair. She paused and blinked. ''Gin?''

Before she knew it, he ran past her and the box of cookies vanished from her arms. Rangiku blinked again and looked behind her, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

Crossing her arms across her chest, she pouted ''So greedy, I would've shared if he asked.'' Rangiku sighed and went on her way to retrieve her Captain.


	50. Chapter 50

Dear Pathetic Shinigami,

No, I will not create an antidote for you.

No, I did not create the poison inside those abominable cookies.

No, I will not help you in any particular way.

It will be your punishment for being stupid enough to even accept cookies from a traitor. Honestly, it's called ''Poison Cookies''. Don't you Shinigami understand the concept of using your brain?

Sincerely,

Captain Kurosutchi


	51. Chapter 51

Dear Gin Ichimaru,

You think I'm an idiot? I know those cookies you sent me are poisoned, I mean that freaking Hitsugaya kid ruined my entire house yelling and screaming ''I'LL KILL THAT BASTARD ICHIMARU FOR GIVING HINAMORI THOSE COOKIES!''

Haven't heard from him since.

No, I don't want to be your friend. Your freaking smile irritates the hell out of me.

Sincerely,

Ichigo

P.S. Instead of sending me some stupid ass package of cookies, come down here so I can beat that dumbass smile right off your face.


	52. Chapter 52

Dear Gin,

I come back, and find several purple faced people sprawled all over the place.

You are nowhere to be found, I swear if you're back in Hueco Mundo...

ONE JOB, I GAVE YOU ONE JOB!

And that was to not kill anyone, but of course that was an impossible thing to do.

And of course, you disappear.

And of course, I'm left with an angered little Captain next to me.

And of course, I'm going to have to kill you the next time I see you.

Sincerely,

Rangiku, who is plotting your murder.


	53. Chapter 53

Dear Ichigo,

I know we've had a nice father son relationship these past few years, but it's time we see our seperate ways.

Due to my dark past kicking me back in the ass, I've decided to move on to better things, become a better person.

I'll be in Hollywood, so tell the girls I love them.

And just so you know, this isn't all because Tosh- I mean the little short guy started chasing me around the house calling me ''Captain Kurosaki''

We were just playing a game of pretend, he has a bizarre imagination. Hahaha.

Sincerely,

Your ashamed father, Isshin

P.S. No, I was not a Captain of Squad 10 who abandoned the Soul Society once I lost my powers. That's probably something _you_ would do though.


	54. Chapter 54

Dear Dad,

You're pathetic.

Sincerely,

Ichigo, who is practically ashamed to be your son.


	55. Chapter 55

Dear Ichigo,

In case you want to pick up your father, he's currently at my shop hiding out.

He came earlier, sobbing about his worst enemy coming back so I'm a little concerned.

I also don't want customers coming to me with complaints about their products being drenched with his tears, so I'd appreciate it if you took him back.

Sincerely,

a simple, lowly shopkeeper


	56. Chapter 56

Dear Urahara,

To be honest, you can keep him. He was being a pain in the ass anyway.

Sincerely,

Ichigo.

P.S. I don't want him crying over here too.


	57. Chapter 57

Dear ungrateful ass son,

AFTER ALL I DID FOR YOU, THIS IS THE THANKS I GET?

I fed you, cared for you, embraced you, bought you clothes, taught you how to talk and walk, risked my life for you, gave you two sisters, THE LEAST YOU COULD DO IS PUT UP WITH ME!

Oh, I see how it is. I'm not wanted, am I?

THAT'S PERFECTLY FINE, I'LL FIND A NEW FAMILY WHO APPRECIATES ME!

Sincerely,

Isshin


	58. Chapter 58

Dear dad,

Okay, bye.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out.

Sincerely,

Ichigo

P.S. You make it sound like you're my wife, you never did any of those things for me.


	59. Chapter 59

Dear Ichigo,

So I heard you kicked your dad out and had a spare room in your house...

Sincerely,

Your _dear_ old, helpful, compassionate, loyal, charitable friend Rukia


	60. Chapter 60

Dear Rukia,

No.

Sincerely,

Ichigo.

P.S. I didn't kick him out, he's just an idiot.


	61. Chapter 61

Dear every Shinigami,

Ichigo Kurosaki has a spare room in the world of the living, so he decided to hold a competition to see

who gets to stay in the room.

Whoever impresses him the most, will most certainly win.

Of course, I most likely will win since I know him better than most of you.

Sincerely,

Rukia.


	62. Chapter 62

Dear Rukia,

OHMYGOD, NO! I AM NOT HOLDING NO DAMN FREAKIN' COMPETITION!

Tell those damn bastards to not come within 500 feet of me.

Sincerely,

Ichigo

P.S. Change of plans, I'll get my dad back.


	63. Chapter 63

Dear Ichigo,

So, I heard you were taking in new residents to join your lovely Kurosaki household?~

Your sisters could just call me Uncle Ichimaru, I'm sure we'll have _plenty _of fun. **:)**

Sincerely,

your very lovely Gin. **:)**


	64. Chapter 64

Dear smiling bastard,

You could be the last person on earth,

and I'd rather drop dead than live with you for even 5 seconds.

Sincerely,

Ichigo

P.S. No, I am not taking in any new residents. Tell Rukia to shut her damn mouth.


	65. Chapter 65

Dear Ichigo Kurosaki,

I demand you allow Rukia to participate in your competition. If you fail to follow through with my request, I will not be responsible if blood is to be spilled.

Sincerely,

Byakuya Kuchiki

P.S. I would participate as well, but it seems your small, lowly human household doesn't quite reach my standards.


	66. Chapter 66

Dear Ichigo,

Hello sweetiepie~

If you don't mind, tell Gin he's going to lose his legs if he doesn't stop running away from me.

I WILL chain him to a chair if I have to if he doesn't come back, or if you're hiding him somewhere then I'm afraid

you'll be losing your house because I'll strip every inch of that place until I find him and then drag his ass back to the Soul Society

Sincerely,

A very pissed off Rangiku


	67. Chapter 67

Dear Ichigo,

We're friends aren't we? And friends do favors for each other.

And hell, do you know what it's like to deal with Rangiku in her constant mood swings?

You won't even know I'm there, unless I get hungry... or tired. I tend to snore, so that's an issue...

Sincerely,

Your very lovely Gin.

P.S. I'M BEGGING YOU **:(**


	68. Chapter 68

Dear Ichigo,

You know Ichigo, not that I'm using it as an excuse or anything but I _did _help you a lot in the past.

Now, wouldn't it be nice to repay all those favors? **_hint, hint._**

Sincerely,

Yoruichi, who trained you, help you learn Bankai, saved your life several times, etc.


	69. Chapter 69

Dear Ichigo,

I don't care about your stupid ass competition, I just want to fight you to the death, NOW!

Sincerely,

Kenpachi


	70. Chapter 70

Groaning again, Ichigo walked outside his house to check the mailbox. He froze, and hesitated once he noticed how crammed the mailbox looked.

''I'm going to regret this.'' He bitterly muttered before opening the mailbox, only to have himself attack by a hoard of letters that piled up on him.

Growling in annoyance, Ichigo reached out from the pile of letters and pulled himself out. ''I swear, those bastards don't know how to take a hint.'' He scowled angrily, as he reached his hand out to read one of the letters.

''Dear Ichigo...'' he muttered the rest of the letter, before crumbling it up ''NO ONE IS GOING TO MOVE IN WITH ME!'' he paused when he heard rustling under the pile of letters. Pushing away the letters, he found a large box that appeared to contain something inside.

''The hell...?'' He quickly opened the box, only to fall back ; nearly in fright.

''Woo, so glad I get to stretch and get out of that cramped box.'' Gin said, wiping sweat from his forehead. He looked over at Ichigo, to find himself having a mailbox thrown at his now bruised face.

''There is no freaking way I'm dealing with your ass here.'' Ichigo quickly pulled out his emergency duck tape and taped the package back along with Gin inside it, and ran off to the post office to return him.


	71. Chapter 71

A/N: I'm sorry, I mean it's not like I took 3 months to update. loljk. I had an epic writer's block. Forgive me by reviewing?

* * *

><p>Dear Omaeda,<p>

What the hell did I tell you about picking random packages up off the street, and bringing it into my office?

Okay, no I did not tell you anything about that. But.. it doesn't change the fact that it was an idiotic decision.

Oh, it's from Kurosaki Ichigo.

Why do I hear sobbing...?

Sincerely, your very displeased Captain Sui-feng.

P.S. If this is a prank you pulled, then just know I'm going to kick your ass when I find you.


	72. Chapter 72

Dear Sui-feng,

As happy as I was to finally see you pay me a visit,

it wasn't very nice of you to throw Ichimaru through my store window.

Sincerely, Your dear friend Kisuke.


	73. Chapter 73

Dear Urahara Kisuke,

You are indeed lucky Yoruichi-sama was there, or I would've slit your neck, and detached your disgusting head right off your body.

You are so guilty, your lack of guilt just makes you even more guilty. You shall suffer the consequences, and take this miserable traitor back.

He has unfortunately drenched my Captain's coat, begging me to let him stay, no matter how much I try to kick him in the face, he just won't die.

Sincerely, Stealth Force Fommander Sui-feng


	74. Chapter 74

Dear everyone in the Soul Society,

Since I'm obviously not wanted, I've decided to pack my bags and leave.

I've enjoyed getting dirty looks from Captain Shorty, and constant death threats from the Stealth Force Commander

but it's time for me to head back to Hueco Mundo.

It's okay if you want to cry, I'm crying right now while writing this.

Although, it might be a little hard leave since Rangiku is threatening to remove my arms and legs if I dare to leave her again.

So I'm leaving through an underground passageway I've discovered.

I will miss you all.

Sincerely,

Everyone's favorite Shinigami Gin


	75. Chapter 75

Dear Gin,

No, you can not bring that disgusting Shinigami into my palace.

I don't care if she's your childhood friend.

I don't care if she threatened to decapitate your arms, and legs. If you die, then it's just one less mouth I have to feed, and a day without you interrogating my Espada.

Sincerely,

The Amazing Sosuke Aizen

P.S. Bribing me with tea will not do you any good, no matter how tempting it is...


	76. Chapter 76

Dear Sosuke the meaniepants,

I decided I'm never ever coming back to Hueco Mundo, you and that blind guy with the terrible hair style will never see me again

Rangiku and I are moving in together in a place far, far away. Somewhere where you'll never find us!

GOODBYE

you sucked as a Captain anyway

Love,

Your Very Lovely Gin

P.S I sent you some tea, so hopefully there's no hard feelings


End file.
